


Gordon and The Doctor

by deerstalker



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005), Gordon Ramsay - Fandom, Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares
Genre: Action/Adventure, Adventure, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Crack, Comedy, Cooking, Crack, Crack Crossover, Crack Pairings, Crossover, DOCTOR FUCKING WHO?, Drama & Romance, Food, Gen, Humor, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-07
Updated: 2013-06-07
Packaged: 2017-12-14 05:02:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/833047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deerstalker/pseuds/deerstalker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During the filming of an episode of Kitchen Nightmares (USA version) Gordon finds strange meat in the freezer that seems off. A surprise visit from the 'health inspector' reveals the horrifying truth about the restaurant owners and the meat they're serving. Will write more if requested.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gordon and The Doctor

**Author's Note:**

> I saw this prompt on tumblr and just HAD to fill it, I don't usually write crack but I've seen this idea floating around for ages and just loved it too much. Can be found published also on my [tumblr](http://linear-relationships.tumblr.com/post/52302046358/synchronoise-ity-calling-it-now-chef-ramsey-is) and [livejournal](http://chickensgocluck.livejournal.com/15782.html).

"For the last fucking time, the meat isn't fresh if it's sitting in the freezer and besides, it already smells terrible!" Chef Ramsay slammed the fridge closed causing a large bang. He turned to face the stoic faces of the restaurant owners; they did not seem the least bit distraught over his fury. 

Their faces were strangely angled, as though they did not quite fit into their skin, if that were even possible. The camera crew stood their shocked, this was not quite the reaction that they were expecting from the owners, not even a tear shed.

"What have you got to fucking say for yourselves? You are just going to stand there looking like IDIOTS? Did anything I just say penetrate your small brains?" The owners just continued to look as him, as though not a single word he said had passed through their ears.

"They must eat" they repeated together, as though in a trance. "They must eat the food".

Chef Ramsay was taken back, however not able to hold his anger in he persisted to make sure they understood the reality of their situation.

"Well, I'm gonna go out there, and tell your customers that you are lying to them about the freshness of their food. They should not be eating this disgusting off meat!"

The owners suddenly looked very aggravated by this comment, the collective of them moving forward as though they were planning to pounce on Gordon Ramsay.

"They must eat!" They chanted, louder than before. "They must eat!"

"What the bloody hell is going on-"

A surprisingly strange buzzing sound suddenly interrupted their conversation, and they all turned to see a tall man in a long trench coat pointing what appeared to be a small blue laser at them all. A gasp could be heard from the camera crew as they noticed that their equipment was suddenly turned off.

He walked further into the kitchen and Gordon noticed the stranger had brown hair and was wearing glasses; he spoke with vigour and enthusiasm.

"Oh sorry about that, just had to wipe your cameras; I wouldn't want you catching any of this on film, even though it is a disappointment with this bone structure going to waste-"

"Who the hell are you! Coming into my kitchen and-"

"Ahhh, I'm the heath inspector, Chef Ramsay"

He flipped open a card holder which caught the chef's eye for a second but he quickly put it back into his coat in a shuffle before grabbing Gordon hand and shaking it eagerly. The camera crew only watched in shock, whilst the owners stared with a somewhat worried look.

"And my goodness, and what an honour it is to meet you in person Chef Ramsay, the Gordon Ramsay! Your risotto is like no other!"

"Ah.. thank you but we were not informed of any upcoming inspection and besides-"

He turned around to see the owners starting intensely at the inspector, like a cat stalking its prey, and felt a shiver run through his body.

"We're in the middle of filming the show so would you ple-"

"Oh, you won't want to continue filming after I've done my inspection"

He quickly moved towards the fridge and opened the freezer, pulling out the meat Gordon had only looked at moments before. The chef was baffled and simply sighed loudly, knowing that this was surely the end of this restaurant.

"See! The inspector is going to shut down know, you bunch of ignorant idiots!" he yelled at the owners. They gritted their teeth and screeched loudly,

"No! They must eat the food!"

"Fucking hell!"

The inspector suddenly moved forward in front of the chef to face the owners, bearing a serious expression. The meat was dangling in his hand, however now it was a strange glowing green and Gordon felt his stomach turn.

"This is what they've been feeding their customers, radioactive placenta from their home planet Anglecora"

They hissed loudly and began to move towards them, holding their hands out in a threat. Gordon's heart was racing and all he could do was shake and blabber curses loudly.

"What- what kind of people are you, doing this to your customers?"

"Oh they're not people chef Ramsay, for from it; and they're not customers out there, they're walking wombs for their children… feed them enough of this meat and humans become the carriers' for their foetuses!"

It was at this comment that the owners leapt towards the inspector, and the chef. The camera crew attempted to make a run for it back into the restaurant. But a group of the owners raced after them grabbing them and digging their nails into their necks. "They must not stop eating!" They screamed loudly.

Gordon's chest was heaving yet he still felt in control. One of the aliens ran towards him, but he confidently grabbed a huge frying pan and slammed them over the head.

"That's what you get for serving off meat!" He yelled triumphantly, not knowing really why he did. Suddenly the inspector grabbed him by the arm and pulled him towards the back exit of the kitchen.

"What the fuck is going on, who the fuck are-"

"Please mind your language Gordon!" he said somewhat offended "And please, called me The Doctor"

"Doctor fucking who?" He queried, obviously ignoring the man's previous request.

"Just The Doctor" he replied with a smile, "Now be a good boy and hold tightly onto that frying pan, and run!"


End file.
